It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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