remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
