It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The air was thick with penises
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
