After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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