so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
