you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
