just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
