When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
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The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
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I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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