it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
