He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
