it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
