If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
BRING THE BAGELS
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
