New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize