I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
