Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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