Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
