We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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