i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
