bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
