Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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