this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
