so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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