Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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