he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
