Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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