How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Hippo gnu deer
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
