the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
