yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
