Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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