Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
