Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Less talking, more tequila
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
