found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
