Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
