you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
