You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
