dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
