What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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