I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
