Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
