Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
