she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
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I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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