bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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