dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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