he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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