the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
