I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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