well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
only if we run a train.
done.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
