JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You ruined the universe
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
