How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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