saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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