U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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