We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
