Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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