The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize