and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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