DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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