I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
