Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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