It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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