I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she was so not down for the gang bang
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
