Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
