fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
