There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
