k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
