He uses pillows to masturbate.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
