Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
