i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
