My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
