used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
