so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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