The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize
