My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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