That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
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not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
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Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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