My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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