is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
