I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
