be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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