Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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